Note 41: Getting Older Looks Like Boundaries, Peace, and Zero Tolerance
Getting older isn’t about numbers. It’s about clarity.
In this episode, Yaya reflects on what aging has taught her about boundaries, peace, confidence, and self-trust as she approaches another birthday.
If you’re in a season where you’re questioning what you tolerate, who you allow access to you, and how much more you’re willing to give without receiving, this note is for you.
Inside this episode, you’ll hear:
- Why outgrowing old versions of yourself can feel uncomfortable but necessary
- How confidence changes when you stop seeking approval
- The truth about potential versus reality in relationships and life
- A powerful zero-tolerance list every woman needs
- Why peace and boundaries are non-negotiable as you mature
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Transcript
Hey, girl.
Speaker A:Hey.
Speaker A:Welcome back to Notes to her, the daily pep talk.
Speaker A:I'm Yaya, your confidence and mindset coach.
Speaker A:And today's note is a special one.
Speaker A:As my birthday approaches, I always like to take a moment to reflect.
Speaker A:I like to look at what I've accomplished, what I've survived, what I've released, and who I am still becoming.
Speaker A:Because getting older isn't about the numbers.
Speaker A:It's about clarity.
Speaker A:It's about deciding what you're no longer going to tolerate, what you finally protect, and the peace you refuse to negotiate.
Speaker A:So this is part reflection, part truth telling, part permission slip.
Speaker A:Not just for me, but for you, too.
Speaker A:Because if you're listening to this and something inside you feels tired of shrinking, tired of explaining yourself, tired of settling.
Speaker A:Come sit with me.
Speaker A:Now.
Speaker A:One thing getting older has taught me is that outgrowing yourself can feel terrifying.
Speaker A:Because who you were is tied to places and people and habits and versions of yourself that once kept you safe.
Speaker A:Silence protected you.
Speaker A:People pleasing kept the peace.
Speaker A:Settling felt easier sometimes than starting over.
Speaker A:But sometimes the only way to move forward is to become someone new.
Speaker A:I like to think about it like a butterfly.
Speaker A:Who you were wasn't wrong.
Speaker A:She protected you.
Speaker A:She got through what you needed to survive.
Speaker A:But eventually, staying the same becomes more painful than evolving.
Speaker A:And growth requires detachment from old identities, from outdated relationships, from versions of yourself that no longer fit.
Speaker A:Getting older has truly taught me that evolution isn't betrayal.
Speaker A:It's survival.
Speaker A:Upgraded now.
Speaker A:Another thing that I've learned is waiting.
Speaker A:To feel ready is a trap.
Speaker A:There were so many moments in my life where I was scared.
Speaker A:Scared to try, scared to fail.
Speaker A:Scared to want more and not get it.
Speaker A:But here's what I know now.
Speaker A:Doing it scared still counts.
Speaker A:Not everything worked out.
Speaker A:Some things failed.
Speaker A:Some things taught me lessons that I did not ask for truthfully.
Speaker A:But every time I showed up anyway, I kept a promise to myself.
Speaker A:And every promise that you keep tells your nervous system I can trust my words.
Speaker A:Confidence doesn't come from perfection.
Speaker A:It comes from follow through.
Speaker A:Now, let me say this gently but honestly.
Speaker A:In my 20s, potential was cute.
Speaker A:Potential was exciting.
Speaker A:Potential was hopeful.
Speaker A:But at this big age, I don't date, work with, or build with potential.
Speaker A:I meet people where they are.
Speaker A:I need emotional availability, emotional intelligence, consistency, reciprocity, consideration.
Speaker A:I'm not waiting for somebody to become who they could be.
Speaker A:I need to see who they already are.
Speaker A:Because peace requires reality, not fantasy.
Speaker A:Now, one of the biggest gifts that I've given to myself as I've gotten older is Self trust.
Speaker A:I don't need approval before making decisions and that is so freeing.
Speaker A:I don't crowd trust my worth.
Speaker A:I don't explain my boundaries to death.
Speaker A:And yes, I might still talk to a trusted friend.
Speaker A:I might talk things out with them.
Speaker A:But I'm not looking for somebody to decide for me.
Speaker A:Trusting myself has helped me set boundaries without guilt.
Speaker A:Protect my peace, walk away sooner.
Speaker A:Go after opportunities, even if they're scary.
Speaker A:Be myself fully, even when not everyone likes it.
Speaker A:And here's the thing, not everyone will like you.
Speaker A:Some people will misunderstand you, others will fall away.
Speaker A:But I sleep well at night knowing that I did not abandon myself to be accepted.
Speaker A:Getting older also means zero tolerance for inconsistency, poor communication, emotional unavailability, apologies without change, having to explain my work when not doing that, judgment disguised as concern and victim mentality with no accountability.
Speaker A:If you disrupt my peace, your access to me will be limited or revoked.
Speaker A:Not out of bitterness, out of self respect.
Speaker A:Because my peace truly is priceless and boundaries are how I protect it.
Speaker A:As you get older, I hope that you learn this sooner rather than later.
Speaker A:Life doesn't always go as planned, and that's okay.
Speaker A:But never, never give up on yourself.
Speaker A:Never abandon your dreams.
Speaker A:Never shrink to make other people feel comfortable.
Speaker A:Give yourself grace, pause when you need to re evaluate, pivot.
Speaker A:But whatever you do, keep choosing yourself.
Speaker A:I hope this episode serves something in you, and if it did, I hope that you are realizing that you want stronger boundaries, deeper confidence, and a life that actually feels aligned.
Speaker A:And that is the exact work that we do in Journey to Confidence.
Speaker A:It's for the woman who is tired of talking herself out of what she deserves and ready to start living like she believes it.
Speaker A:The link is in the show notes.
Speaker A:And if this note resonated with you, save it.
Speaker A:Or share it with a woman who's ready to raise her standards too.
Speaker A:Because getting older does not look like fear.
Speaker A:It looks like peace, boundaries and zero tolerance.
