Note 43: Do You Even Like Yourself?
In this episode, we’re talking about:
What it really means to like yourself and how a shaky relationship with yourself impacts your confidence, boundaries, relationships, and peace.
If you’ve ever felt burnt out from overgiving, stuck in self-criticism, or caught in patterns that don’t serve you, this episode will resonate deeply.
Inside this note, you’ll hear:
- Signs you may not actually like yourself
- How self-abandonment shows up in everyday life
- Why comparison thrives when self-worth is low
- The real cost of not choosing yourself
- Simple ways to begin rebuilding self-love
On the next episode: Why self-love is non-negotiable for confident women.
Join Yaya, February 23-27, in the Her Era: The Self-Love Reset — a free 5-day experience to help you stop shrinking and start choosing yourself. Learn more here.
If this episode spoke to you and you want to connect with me directly, you can reach out to me on Instagram @coachingwithyaya.
Follow the podcast account and share it with a friend or tag us on Instagram @notestoher.daily.
And don’t forget to follow Notes to Her so you don’t miss the next pep talk.
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Transcript
Hey, girl.
Speaker A:Hey.
Speaker A:Welcome back to Notes to Her, the daily pep talk.
Speaker A:I'm Yaya, your confidence and mindset coach.
Speaker A:And for the next month, I'm going to be your self love advocate.
Speaker A:With February being the month of love, so much attention gets put on romantic love with a partner.
Speaker A:But around here, we are going to be shifting the focus inward.
Speaker A:This month, we're focusing on self love.
Speaker A:Not the aesthetic version, not the surface level version, but the kind of self love that actually changes how you move, what you tolerate, and how confident you feel in your everyday life.
Speaker A:Because over my years of coaching, I. I have learned that self love and confidence are not separate conversations.
Speaker A:They're deeply connected.
Speaker A:And it's something that I genuinely love talking about because it sits at the root of so many conversations that we have about confidence, relationships, boundaries, and self worth.
Speaker A:So before we talk about goals, before we talk about standards, before we talk about becoming that woman, we have to talk about this.
Speaker A:Because everything in your life is shaped by the relationship that you have with you.
Speaker A:And today I want to ask you a question that might make you pause for a second.
Speaker A:Do you truly like yourself?
Speaker A:Not like yourself in the Instagram, quote way.
Speaker A:Not tolerate yourself, not push through on autopilot, not I'm working on it.
Speaker A:But do you like who you are when no one is clapping, validating, or choosing you?
Speaker A:Because here's what I've learned in my life, in my work, and in the stories from women who trust me.
Speaker A:A lot of women are successful, capable, accomplished, strong on paper, but quietly disconnected from themselves.
Speaker A:And you can't build confidence, boundaries, peace, or healthy relationships if the relationship with you is strained.
Speaker A:So today isn't about fixing yourself.
Speaker A:It's about noticing how you're treating yourself.
Speaker A:If you don't like yourself, you settle for relationships that drain you, shrink to keep the peace, overextend to feel needed, doubt your decisions, abandon your needs, and look outside yourself for validation.
Speaker A:Not because you're weak, but because you've learned how to survive without choosing yourself.
Speaker A:And what makes this tricky is that from the outside, your life might look together.
Speaker A:You're handling responsibilities, you're showing up, you're pushing through.
Speaker A:But internally, there's tension, there's self criticism, there's exhaustion.
Speaker A:There's a quiet voice asking, why am I never enough for myself?
Speaker A:And this is why this episode matters.
Speaker A:Now, let's get honest.
Speaker A:No shame, no judgment, just self awareness.
Speaker A:And talk about signs that you don't really like yourself yet.
Speaker A:The first one being you put everyone else's needs above yours until you're burnt out.
Speaker A:You're always available, always helping, always holding things together.
Speaker A:You're making sure everyone else is okay while quietly running on empty.
Speaker A:You pour your energy into other people's dreams and priorities and problems.
Speaker A:But when it comes to you, your needs are last on the list.
Speaker A:And you tell yourself you're being selfless, responsible, strong.
Speaker A:But here's the truth.
Speaker A:When you don't like yourself, you over give to earn worth.
Speaker A:You think love is something that you have to prove through exhaustion.
Speaker A:That's not self love, that's self abandonment.
Speaker A:2.
Speaker A:You might criticize yourself constantly.
Speaker A:You always have something negative to say about yourself.
Speaker A:Too much, not enough, too loud, too quiet, too emotional, not confident enough.
Speaker A:Should be further along by now.
Speaker A:Even on the good days, your inner voice finds something to tear apart.
Speaker A:Let me say this to you gently.
Speaker A:You cannot build confidence in a hostile environment.
Speaker A:So if the loudest critic in your life lives in your head, it's going to be very hard to like yourself.
Speaker A:Liking yourself starts with how you speak to yourself when no one else is around.
Speaker A:3.
Speaker A:You keep ending up in toxic relationships.
Speaker A:Different faces, same pattern.
Speaker A:You accept inconsistency.
Speaker A:You tolerate emotional unavailability.
Speaker A:You stay longer than you should.
Speaker A:Why?
Speaker A:Because deep down, you only accept the love that you think you deserve.
Speaker A:Ask yourself honestly, do I believe I deserve better?
Speaker A:Not Sunday, not after I fix myself now.
Speaker A:If the answer feels uncomfortable, that's work.
Speaker A:Because when you don't like yourself, you will settle for attention instead of affection.
Speaker A:You'll call breadcrumbs potential.
Speaker A:And you'll confuse familiarity with safety.
Speaker A:And the last one is constantly comparing yourself to others.
Speaker A:Someone else's success makes you feel smaller.
Speaker A:Someone else's beauty makes you feel invisible.
Speaker A:Someone else's progress makes you question your worth.
Speaker A:And instead of seeing possibility, you feel threatened.
Speaker A:Comparison isn't the problem.
Speaker A:Disconnection is.
Speaker A:Comparison thrives where self worth is shaky.
Speaker A:So when you don't like yourself, you can't see your own value clearly.
Speaker A:Instead, you end up measuring yourself up against any everyone else.
Speaker A:And that's what keeps you stuck.
Speaker A:Let's talk about what practicing self love in real life looks like.
Speaker A:It's not about grand gestures.
Speaker A:It's about daily relationship building.
Speaker A:Complimenting yourself like you mean it.
Speaker A:Talk to yourself the way that you would hype up your friends.
Speaker A:Acknowledge your effort, your growth, your resilience.
Speaker A:You don't need to wait for external praise to validate yourself.
Speaker A:You can also practice gratitude even on hard days.
Speaker A:Now listen.
Speaker A:Gratitude doesn't mean ignoring pain, but it means recognizing your strength inside the pain.
Speaker A:You survived, you adapted, you kept going.
Speaker A:And that matters also.
Speaker A:Take breaks without guilt.
Speaker A:Rest is not laziness, it's regulation.
Speaker A:Taking care of yourself is not optional.
Speaker A:If you want confidence that lasts.
Speaker A:Small, consistent acts of self love add up to a life where you actually enjoy being you.
Speaker A:So here's what I want you to walk away with today.
Speaker A:Liking yourself isn't selfish, it's foundational.
Speaker A:And if this note stirred something in you, if you're realizing there are parts of you that need more care, more compassion and and more honesty, then I want to invite you to something special.
Speaker A:From February 23rd through 27th, I am hosting a free five day self love challenge called Her Era, the self love Reset.
Speaker A:This isn't about bubble bath and affirmations only.
Speaker A:It's about rebuilding your relationship with yourself.
Speaker A:So confidence, boundaries and self trust.
Speaker A:Stop feeling hard.
Speaker A:For five days, we're going to be focusing on choosing yourself intentionally, unlearning self abandonment and strengthening that inner foundation that everything else in your life is built on.
Speaker A:The link will be in the show Notes to Join Start small, stay consistent and remember this.
Speaker A:You don't have to become someone new to be worthy.
Speaker A:You just have to stop abandoning who you already are.
Speaker A:Sam.
