Note 46: Love Yourself Enough to Leave What Shrinks You
You can love yourself and still stay too long.
In this episode of Notes to Her, Yaya delivers a bold but necessary reminder: self-love sometimes looks like walking away, from jobs, relationships, and habits that keep you playing small.
If you’ve been feeling the quiet nudge to leave something behind, this note is for you.
Inside this episode:
- The real reason we stay in places we’ve outgrown
- A client story that’ll hit your heart
- 5 signs it’s time to walk away
- What self-love looks like in action
- The courage to choose yourself, even when it’s uncomfortable
Join Yaya, February 23-27, in the Her Era: The Self-Love Reset — a free 5-day experience to help you stop shrinking and start choosing yourself. Learn more here.
Transcript
Hey, girl.
Speaker A:Hey.
Speaker A:Welcome back to Notes to her, the daily pep talk.
Speaker A:I'm Yaya, your confidence and mindset coach, here to help you stop shrinking, stop overthinking, and stop abandoning yourself when things get uncomfortable.
Speaker A:And today's note?
Speaker A:Oh, this is a real one.
Speaker A:It's not the light and fluffy kind.
Speaker A:It's the truth telling kind.
Speaker A:The kind of self love that shows up when you finally say, I can't keep staying in places that make me forget who I am.
Speaker A:We're talking about loving yourself enough to leave.
Speaker A:What shrinks you?
Speaker A:That relationship, that job, that habit, that version of you that's outgrown where she's been settling.
Speaker A:This is a reminder you didn't know you need.
Speaker A:So let's get into it.
Speaker A:Now, here's the truth I want you to sit with for a second.
Speaker A:Self love isn't just about what you add to your life.
Speaker A:It's also about what you walk away from.
Speaker A:You can do all the journaling, the meditating, the goal setting in the world, but if you are staying in places that make you feel small, you're not practicing self love.
Speaker A:Self love looks like saying, I love myself too much to be in rooms where I have to dim.
Speaker A:I love myself too much to keep fighting someone for crumbs.
Speaker A:I love myself too much to stay at a job that drains me dry.
Speaker A:Now, I'm not saying that it's easy, but I am saying that it's necessary.
Speaker A:And I know you felt it before.
Speaker A:That inner nudge, that whisper that says, this is no longer for you.
Speaker A:But we silence it with logic.
Speaker A:We'll say, I've been here too long to leave now.
Speaker A:Or what if I don't find better?
Speaker A:Or it's not that bad.
Speaker A:Yes, it is, sis.
Speaker A:Anything that makes you forget who you are is that bad.
Speaker A:Now let me tell you about a client of mine.
Speaker A:I'll call her Melanie.
Speaker A:When Melanie and I started working together, she was stuck in a job that looked good on paper but felt like a slow erosion of her spirit.
Speaker A:Her boss constantly micromanaged her.
Speaker A:She wasn't getting promoted, even though she was doing three people's job.
Speaker A:She'd leave work mentally exhausted and spend her weekends trying to reset, only to dread Monday, the moment Sunday night hit.
Speaker A:And that's when I asked her why she stayed.
Speaker A:She said something to me that I will never forget because I don't want to be ungrateful.
Speaker A:Other people would kill for this job.
Speaker A:Ungrateful?
Speaker A:That word haunts so many women.
Speaker A:We've been taught to endure instead of evaluate.
Speaker A:To be thankful instead of being honest.
Speaker A:To stay loyal to things that are no longer loyal to us.
Speaker A:But here's what we uncovered in coaching.
Speaker A:Melanie wasn't being ungrateful.
Speaker A:She was being honest.
Speaker A:And once she gave herself permission to admit that, to stop gaslighting her own burnout, everything shifted.
Speaker A:She updated her resume.
Speaker A:She started networking.
Speaker A:She set a boundary at work that shocked everyone, including herself.
Speaker A:And within two months, she had a new offer.
Speaker A:With more pay, more freedom, and more peace.
Speaker A:The best part?
Speaker A:She didn't wait to feel ready.
Speaker A:She moved when it felt true.
Speaker A:Now, let's be real.
Speaker A:Leaving is hard when you have built an identity around being the strong one, the loyal one, the one who holds it all together.
Speaker A:It's hard when you've been praised for how much you handle.
Speaker A:But let me ask you this.
Speaker A:Why are you only proud of yourself when you're surviving?
Speaker A:Leaving doesn't mean you failed.
Speaker A:It means that you finally chose you.
Speaker A:And if no one has told you this yet, today you are allowed to choose yourself without explaining to anybody.
Speaker A:You are allowed to walk away from environments that no longer match your energy.
Speaker A:You are allowed to outgrow people who only knew the version of you who shrunk.
Speaker A:Now, if you're listening to this and wondering, but how do I know when it's time?
Speaker A:Here are the signs that the situation is shrinking you.
Speaker A:You feel anxious before every interaction.
Speaker A:You shrink or edit to keep the peace.
Speaker A:You fantasize about leaving, but never give yourself permission.
Speaker A:You feel smaller in their presence.
Speaker A:Not seen, not heard, not celebrated.
Speaker A:Your confidence is slowly getting replaced by self doubt.
Speaker A:Listen to me.
Speaker A:You do not need a breakdown just to justify a breakthrough.
Speaker A:You do not need to wait until everything is falling apart to walk away.
Speaker A:You are allowed to leave because you felt called to more.
Speaker A:So here's your reminder today.
Speaker A:Self love is not always soft.
Speaker A:Sometimes it's a hard decision to walk away.
Speaker A:It takes courage to walk away from who you thought you had to be, from who you thought you had to tolerate, and from rooms that no longer reflect your worth.
Speaker A:You are not selfish for wanting peace.
Speaker A:You are not dramatic for wanting joy.
Speaker A:And you are not weak for choosing rest over survival.
Speaker A:And if this episode stirs something in you, if there's something you know you need to walk away from, just know that you don't have to do it alone.
Speaker A:This month I am hosting a free Self Love challenge called her era, the Self Love Reset for women who are tired of shrinking and ready to start choosing themselves on purpose, not just in theory, but in real life.
Speaker A:It's five days of daily reflection, powerful mindset shifts and guided prompts to help you return to you so remind you of your worth, to reconnect you of your voice, to start practicing self love in places that need it the most.
Speaker A:You can read all the details and join the challenge via the link in the show notes.
Speaker A:Leave what's shrinking you and walk toward who you're becoming.
Speaker A:You're worth it.
