Note 48: Be Real With Yourself — That’s Where Confidence Starts
Confidence doesn’t start with doing more; it starts with being honest with yourself.
In this episode, Yaya breaks down why self-awareness is the foundation of confidence, clarity, and self-trust. If you’ve been feeling disconnected, stuck, or constantly second-guessing your decisions, this note is a reminder to slow down, check in, and come back to yourself.
Self-awareness helps you notice what’s actually going on beneath the surface, so you can stop reacting on autopilot and start choosing what truly aligns with you.
Inside this episode:
- Why confidence starts with honesty, not perfection
- How self-awareness builds self-trust and clarity
- The difference between self-awareness and self-judgment
- Why alone time helps you reconnect with yourself
- Simple check-in questions that change how you move and decide
Her Era: The Self-Love Reset is coming, a free 5-day challenge to help you stop shrinking, release guilt, and start choosing yourself with intention. Take the challenge here.
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Transcript
Hey, girl.
Speaker A:Hey.
Speaker A:Welcome back to notes to her, the daily pep talk.
Speaker A:I'm Yaya, your confidence and mindset coach, here to help you stop shrinking, stop, stop overthinking and stop abandoning yourself when things get uncomfortable.
Speaker A:And if you've been feeling stuck, scattered, or like you're constantly second guessing yourself, this note is for you.
Speaker A:Because today we're talking about something simple but deep.
Speaker A:Being real with yourself.
Speaker A:Not performative self love, not pretending it's okay.
Speaker A:Energy.
Speaker A:I mean the kind of self awareness that slows you down enough to say, okay, what's really going on here?
Speaker A:So let's talk about it.
Speaker A:I talk a lot about walking into a room like you own it.
Speaker A:But confidence isn't just about that.
Speaker A:Confidence is knowing yourself enough to walk in without needing to prove anything.
Speaker A:And you can't get there without awareness.
Speaker A:Self awareness is the bridge between where you are and where you want to be.
Speaker A:It's the pause before the pattern.
Speaker A:It's the hmm, that didn't feel good instead of brushing it off.
Speaker A:It's how you start catching yourself when you're shrinking.
Speaker A:It's how you stop lying to yourself to stay comfortable.
Speaker A:It's how you stop abandoning your needs to keep that vibe.
Speaker A:Because in my years of coaching, I have learned you cannot grow what you won't name, you cannot heal what you won't see.
Speaker A:And you cannot be confident when you're confident, constantly gaslighting yourself.
Speaker A:Now I want to be real with you.
Speaker A:Self awareness is not about being hard on yourself.
Speaker A:It's not I keep doing this wrong or wow, I'm a mess.
Speaker A:It's hmm, that reaction felt big.
Speaker A:I wonder why that hit so hard.
Speaker A:Or I'm noticing I keep saying yes when I'm already tired.
Speaker A:What's behind that?
Speaker A:Awareness is a form of self love.
Speaker A:Because you can't have compassion without context and you can't have confidence without compassion.
Speaker A:Let me say that again.
Speaker A:You cannot have confidence without compassion.
Speaker A:You can't keep criticizing yourself into clarity.
Speaker A:You can't ignore your feelings and expect to feel powerful.
Speaker A:You've got to be with yourself, honestly, gently, consistently.
Speaker A:That's where everything starts.
Speaker A:I personally love alone time.
Speaker A:Not because I don't like people, but because alone tie helps me return to myself when I am by myself.
Speaker A:No noise, no performing, no notifications.
Speaker A:I can hear what's really going on in my head and my heart.
Speaker A:That's when I notice, oh, I'm not mad.
Speaker A:I'm actually hurt.
Speaker A:Or I said yes to that out of guilt, not desire.
Speaker A:This situation doesn't reflect my growth anymore.
Speaker A:That's what self awareness gives you.
Speaker A:Clarity.
Speaker A:And clarity builds confidence.
Speaker A:It's why you can say no without explaining.
Speaker A:It's why you can say I need a break without guilt.
Speaker A:It's why you can walk away from things that once made you feel seen, but now make you feel small.
Speaker A:And when you practice that enough, you start building a deep kind of trust with yourself.
Speaker A:Like I got me from for real.
Speaker A:So let's make this practical.
Speaker A:Here are a few self check questions I use and that you can start using today to build more awareness.
Speaker A:The first one, ask yourself, how am I really feeling right now?
Speaker A:Not fine.
Speaker A:Not busy.
Speaker A:Go deeper.
Speaker A:Am I anxious?
Speaker A:Am I resentful?
Speaker A:Am I proud?
Speaker A:The second one, ask yourself, why do I feel this way?
Speaker A:Is this about now?
Speaker A:Or is this about something that I've been carrying?
Speaker A:Then follow that up with, what do I actually need?
Speaker A:Not what's expected of me, not what's easiest, but what do I need?
Speaker A:And then you can ask yourself, am I being honest with myself right now?
Speaker A:And sometimes that one can be hard because it cuts straight to the truth.
Speaker A:But if you can't be real with yourself, who are you going to be real with?
Speaker A:Because once you get in the habit of asking yourself these questions, answering them without judgment, you stop operating on autopilot.
Speaker A:You stop spiraling.
Speaker A:You start choosing instead of reacting.
Speaker A:And that is confidence.
Speaker A:Now let me leave you with this.
Speaker A:Confidence doesn't come from pretending you have it all together.
Speaker A:It doesn't.
Speaker A:It comes from being real enough with yourself to say, I am figuring it out and I trust myself to do it with love.
Speaker A:If you're not being honest with yourself, you will end up chasing things that don't even fulfill you.
Speaker A:You will say yes to relationships that don't honor you.
Speaker A:You will keep goals that don't align with who you're becoming.
Speaker A:And you'll silence your truth to stay safe and listen.
Speaker A:You did not come this far just to stay hidden.
Speaker A:You deserve to know yourself deeply.
Speaker A:You deserve to be honest about what's working and what's not.
Speaker A:And you deserve to walk into rooms and relationships fully aware of your power.
Speaker A:So if you're ready to practice this in real life, if you are ready to stop abandoning yourself for the sake of being okay on the outside, I want to invite you to my fiance challenge.
Speaker A:It's called her error.
Speaker A:The Self Love Reset.
Speaker A:We are starting February 23rd, and every day I'm going to be guiding you through simple, powerful ways to return to yourself, to rebuild self worth, to walk away from what is draining you and to start choosing yourself for real for good.
Speaker A:Details are in the show notes, but until then, get real with you.
Speaker A:Check in with you and don't be afraid of what you'll find.
Speaker A:Because that's where confidence lives.
Speaker A:You are ready and you are worth it.
