Note 51: Learning to Trust Yourself Again (Without Overthinking It)
Overthinking isn’t your personality; it’s protection.
In this episode, Yaya breaks down what self-trust actually looks like, why so many women lose it, and how to rebuild it without forcing confidence.
If you’ve been second-guessing yourself, asking everyone else what to do, or ignoring your intuition because it feels inconvenient, this note is for you.
Self-trust isn’t about always being right.
It’s about staying with yourself, even when things feel unclear.
Inside this episode:
- What lack of self-trust really looks like
- Why overthinking feels safer than listening to yourself
- The truth about women’s intuition
- How denial keeps you stuck
- A grounding reflective exercise
- Small, practical ways to rebuild self-trust
- A gentle reminder that you didn’t lose your intuition, you just stopped listening
Make sure you’re subscribed; the next few episodes round out this self-love conversation in a powerful way.
If this episode spoke to you and you want to connect with me directly, you can reach out to me on Instagram @coachingwithyaya.
Follow the podcast account and share it with a friend or tag us on Instagram @notestoher.daily.
And don’t forget to subscribe to Notes to Her so you don’t miss the next pep talk.
Looking for additional resources? Start with the Confidence Kit, your go-to for breaking the spiral, rebuilding self-trust, and moving forward with clarity. 🔗 Link
If you're ready to stop figuring this out alone? Apply to work with me here.
Transcript
Hey, girl.
Speaker A:Hey.
Speaker A:Welcome back to Notes to Her the daily pep talk.
Speaker A:I'm Yaya, your confidence and mindset coach, here to help you slow down, come back to yourself, and move with more trust instead of fear.
Speaker A:This note is for the woman who used to trust herself, but somewhere along the way, she started second guessing everything.
Speaker A:The one who replays decisions in her head, who asks everyone else's opinion before listening to her own, who knows what she feels but talks herself out of it.
Speaker A:If that sounds like you, take a breath with me, because you did lose your ability to trust yourself.
Speaker A:You just stop listening.
Speaker A:Now.
Speaker A:Before we even talk about rebuilding trust, let's talk about what it looks like when it's missing.
Speaker A:Lack of self trust looks like texting your friend, what do you think I should do?
Speaker A:Even though you already know what you want to do, it looks like sitting in your car after a conversation thinking, why did I say that?
Speaker A:It looks like googling, polling, asking, researching, but still feeling unsettled.
Speaker A:It looks like you ignoring that knot in your stomach.
Speaker A:It looks like you staying because you don't want to start over.
Speaker A:It looks like you convincing yourself.
Speaker A:Maybe I'm just overthinking.
Speaker A:And after a while, you start believing that something is wrong with you.
Speaker A:But can I offer you something softer?
Speaker A:You weren't born disconnected from yourself.
Speaker A:There was a time that you felt something and you trusted it.
Speaker A:You wanted something and you said it.
Speaker A:Self trust didn't disappear.
Speaker A:It just got quiet.
Speaker A:It got drowned out by outside opinions.
Speaker A:By being told you were dramatic, by being told you were wrong.
Speaker A:By being made to feel like your instincts were inconvenient.
Speaker A:So you adopted.
Speaker A:You started overriding yourself.
Speaker A:And the more you practice not listening, the harder it became to hear yourself.
Speaker A:That doesn't make you incapable.
Speaker A:It just means that you're surviving.
Speaker A:Now.
Speaker A:Overthinking isn't a flaw.
Speaker A:Trust me.
Speaker A:I say this as a recovering, sometimes still overthinker.
Speaker A:Overthinking feels productive.
Speaker A:It feels like you're responsible.
Speaker A:It feels like you're preventing future pain.
Speaker A:Because when you've been hurt before, or you trusted somebody who disappointed you or made a decision that didn't go how you hoped, your nervous system says, okay, let's not do that again.
Speaker A:You replay, you analyze, you look for certainty.
Speaker A:But overthinking doesn't actually protect you.
Speaker A:It keeps you in your head long enough to talk yourself out of your intuition and intuition.
Speaker A:It doesn't argue.
Speaker A:It doesn't write essays.
Speaker A:It doesn't defend itself.
Speaker A:It whispers.
Speaker A:It shows up as tension or relief or that subtle shift in your chest.
Speaker A:But if you're constantly trying to logic your way to safety, you'll miss it.
Speaker A:Now I really want you to hear me when I say this.
Speaker A:Your intuition is rarely wrong.
Speaker A:What usually happens is this.
Speaker A:It speaks.
Speaker A:And then your fear speaks louder.
Speaker A:You want to think better of someone.
Speaker A:You don't want to believe that it's that bad.
Speaker A:You tell yourself you're overreacting.
Speaker A:You tell yourself, give it another chance.
Speaker A:Sometimes it's not that we don't hear our intuition.
Speaker A:It's that listening would require a hard decision.
Speaker A:Leaving, confronting, admitting something isn't what we hoped.
Speaker A:So we choose comfort over clarity.
Speaker A:And later, when everything unravels, we say, I knew it.
Speaker A:Yes you did.
Speaker A:And you can start listening again.
Speaker A:Self trust isn't always about being right.
Speaker A:It's about staying with yourself even when you're wrong.
Speaker A:It's a same.
Speaker A:I may not get this perfect, but I won't turn on myself afterward.
Speaker A:That's the part that nobody talks about.
Speaker A:If every decision is followed by self criticism, your nervous system learns that choosing isn't safe.
Speaker A:So of course you hesitate.
Speaker A:Self trust grows when you stop treating mistakes like proof that you are incapable.
Speaker A:Instead you say, that didn't go how I wanted, but I still got me.
Speaker A:That's power.
Speaker A:Now I want you to pause here for a moment.
Speaker A:If you're somewhere safe, let your shoulders relax, unclench that jaw and take a breath.
Speaker A:Now ask yourself this without judgment.
Speaker A:What have I been overthinking lately?
Speaker A:Don't solve it.
Speaker A:Don't analyze it.
Speaker A:Just notice.
Speaker A:And then ask, what do I already know about this even if I don't want to admit it?
Speaker A:Pay attention to your body.
Speaker A:Does it tighten?
Speaker A:Does something soften?
Speaker A:Does your chest feel heavy or lighter?
Speaker A:That's information your intuition doesn't shout out, it whispers.
Speaker A:And it's been trying to guide you this whole time.
Speaker A:Rebuilding self trust doesn't start with big life changing decisions.
Speaker A:It starts small.
Speaker A:Keeping promises to rest when you're tired.
Speaker A:Honoring your no listening when something feels off.
Speaker A:Stopping yourself mid spiral and asking what do I need right now?
Speaker A:Every time you follow through on a small commitment to yourself, you send a message.
Speaker A:I can trust me.
Speaker A:And that message matters because the more you prove to yourself that you'll listen, the less you'll need reassurance from everyone else.
Speaker A:Self trust is built in the follow through, not perfection.
Speaker A:Now here's something grounding.
Speaker A:You don't need certainty to trust yourself.
Speaker A:You just need presence.
Speaker A:You are allowed to say, I don't know it yet.
Speaker A:But I'm going to figure it out.
Speaker A:You are allowed to change your mind.
Speaker A:You are allowed to pause.
Speaker A:You are allowed to take time.
Speaker A:Trust isn't rushing, it's patience.
Speaker A:And the more regulated your nervous system is, the easier it becomes to hear your intuition clearly.
Speaker A:That's why rest, boundaries and self care aren't extras.
Speaker A:They're the foundation.
Speaker A:So if you've been feeling unsure, hesitant, stuck between what you think you should do and what you feel, you are not alone.
Speaker A:Even I go through this sometimes.
Speaker A:You are not broken.
Speaker A:You're not bad at decisions.
Speaker A:You're not disconnected from yourself.
Speaker A:You just need to learn how to listen again.
Speaker A:And that takes practice, it takes support, and it takes space.
Speaker A:So make sure you're subscribed because the next few episodes are going to round out this self love conversation in a powerful way.
Speaker A:We're talking about being mean to yourself, where self hatred comes from, forgiveness and my favorite, boundaries.
Speaker A:For now, start small, check, ebb.
Speaker A:Listen.
Speaker A:Honor what you hear.
Speaker A:Your intuition has been with you this whole time.
Speaker A:And I promise you, the more that you trust yourself, the quieter overthinking becomes.
Speaker A:You've got this.
