Note 8: Hold That Pause — The Trick to Staying Calm and Owning the Moment
You know that moment when your heart’s racing, your palms are sweating, and your voice starts to shake, right before you have to speak up, pitch yourself, or walk into that big room?
Yeah, that moment.
In today’s pep talk, Yaya breaks down the power of the pause, the secret move that helps you calm your nerves, take control of your energy, and own every room you walk into.
You’ll learn how to train your body to stay grounded when your brain wants to spiral, plus the simple mindset shift that helps you respond with confidence instead of panic.
Because sometimes, the most powerful thing you can say… is nothing at all.
In this episode, you’ll learn:
✨ Why staying silent for two seconds can completely shift your presence
✨ How to train your nervous system to respond, not react
✨ A 3-step “pause practice” to reset your energy under pressure
✨ What to say (and what not to say) when your confidence slips
Listen when:
- You’re about to walk into a presentation, interview, or tough conversation
- You feel your heart racing and can’t think straight
- You need a quick reminder that calm is confidence
Transcript
Hey, girl.
Speaker A:Hey.
Speaker A:And welcome back to notes with her, the daily pep talk.
Speaker A:I'm Yaya, your confidence and mindset coach.
Speaker A:And today's note.
Speaker A:Ooh.
Speaker A:It is one that every woman needs to hear from.
Speaker A:Because no matter how solid you are, there's always that one person.
Speaker A:The hater, the know it all, the one who catches you off guard, who can shake your confidence if you let them.
Speaker A:And in those moments, your mind wants to react, defend, or panic before you've even processed what's happening.
Speaker A:And that's when you use what I like to call the power pause.
Speaker A:Now, have you ever had somebody say something to you sideways, and it takes you out for the rest of the day?
Speaker A:Maybe it's a coworker who talks down to you, or maybe it's that one person who always finds a way to make you second guess yourself.
Speaker A:Suddenly, you're replaying what you should have said three hours later in the shower.
Speaker A:Yep, I know that all too well.
Speaker A:And you probably do, too.
Speaker A:The wobble that you feel in those moments isn't weakness.
Speaker A:It's your nervous system trying to keep you safe.
Speaker A:And no matter how confident you are, people will still test you.
Speaker A:You just need to learn how to stop handing them the power to shake you.
Speaker A:The trick is learning how to slow down that response just enough to let your confidence catch up.
Speaker A:That's what the power pause is.
Speaker A:It gives you a breath of space between what happens and how you respond.
Speaker A:And that's where your power lives.
Speaker A:Now let's talk about why this happens.
Speaker A:When somebody says something that stings, your brain goes into overdrive.
Speaker A:You start thinking, did I sound stupid?
Speaker A:Should I have said more?
Speaker A:Was I too much?
Speaker A:Not enough.
Speaker A:Your nervous system lights up like a fire alarm.
Speaker A:Your heart races, your mind scrambles, and before you know it, you're doubting yourself.
Speaker A:That's not because you're weak.
Speaker A:It's because your brain is wired to protect you.
Speaker A:It doesn't know the difference between real danger and emotional discomfort.
Speaker A:So it floods you with adrenaline and tells you to fix it fast.
Speaker A:Explain, apologize, defend.
Speaker A:But, girl, here's the thing.
Speaker A:Not every moment deserves your reaction.
Speaker A:Sometimes the most confident thing you can do is pause, breathe, and let silence.
Speaker A:Remind them that power doesn't shake that easily.
Speaker A:The power pause helps calm your body before your mind takes the wheel.
Speaker A:It's a confidence tool that says, I can handle this before you even open your mouth.
Speaker A:All right, so here's how it works.
Speaker A:Next time somebody tests your calm, you are going to use the power pause.
Speaker A:First thing you do, breathe before you speak, when you feel that wave of heat or anxiety rise, take one slow, deliberate breath.
Speaker A:Inhale through your neurals for four counts, and then exhale through your mouth for four.
Speaker A:That one breath signals to your body, I'm safe.
Speaker A:I do not have to match their energy.
Speaker A:Because when you breathe, you take back control of the room, even if you say nothing yet.
Speaker A:Then you're going to relax your body, drop your shoulders, unclench your jaw, relax your hands.
Speaker A:Tension tells your brain you're in danger.
Speaker A:Relaxation tells it you're in control.
Speaker A:You don't have to look completely calm.
Speaker A:You just need to tell your body to feel calm enough to let your voice come from a grounded energy instead of panic.
Speaker A:And then you're going to choose your tone, not just your words.
Speaker A:Confidence isn't only about what you say.
Speaker A:It's how you say it.
Speaker A:When you speak up after a pause, your tone naturally lowers, your pace slows, and your words carry more authority.
Speaker A:You can say, hmm, or that's interesting, or simply pause long enough for them to sit in silence.
Speaker A:I personally love the pause.
Speaker A:The pause is powerful.
Speaker A:It shows emotional control, and that's exactly what confidence is.
Speaker A:It also allows them to think about what they just said.
Speaker A:So instead of snapping, apologizing, or freezing, you said, speak with intention after that pause.
Speaker A:And you give yourself permission to lead the moment instead of being led by it.
Speaker A:Now, I'll never forget the first time that I used this intentionally.
Speaker A:I was on a call with the corporate client, and she said something that could have easily triggered me.
Speaker A:She was frustrated, and her tone came out sharp.
Speaker A:Now, the old me would have jumped in, ready to defend myself.
Speaker A:I wanted to, like, snap back or just fill the silence with something to smooth things over.
Speaker A:But instead, I took a quiet breath.
Speaker A:I felt my shoulders drop, and I said calmly, I hear how frustrated you feel.
Speaker A:Let's slow down and let's look at what's really happening here.
Speaker A:That one pause changed the entire tone of the conversation.
Speaker A:She softened.
Speaker A:I stayed centered and in control, and we actually solved the problem instead of spinning an emotion.
Speaker A:That's the power.
Speaker A:Pause in action.
Speaker A:It's not about being perfect.
Speaker A:It's about staying grounded when the world tries to throw you off balance.
Speaker A:Okay, so let's take a moment to be reflective here.
Speaker A:Think about a time or a moment this week when you felt thrown off or reactive.
Speaker A:Maybe it was a text, an email, or a comment that caught you off guard.
Speaker A:Did you react fast, or did you give it a second to breathe first?
Speaker A:What would have changed if you had given yourself three extra seconds before responding.
Speaker A:If you had taken one breath, softened your shoulders, and led with calm instead of defense.
Speaker A:That's your challenge this week.
Speaker A:Practice those three seconds of power because that pause is where your confidence resets itself.
Speaker A:Remember, you can't control what people say, but you can control how you show up.
Speaker A:And sometimes the most confident response is no response, just grace, stillness and one deep breath.
Speaker A:Give them a look if you need to.
Speaker A:My face says it all without my mouth ever even opening.
Speaker A:Now, if this episode gave you a little boost, share it with your bestie, especially the one who tends to over explain everything.
Speaker A:And tag me on Instagram coachingwithya and let me know how you're using the power pause this week.
Speaker A:If you're ready to take things deeper and to learn how to trust yourself, speak with authority and stop letting other people's energy rattle you, apply for my one to one coaching program, Journey to Confidence.
Speaker A:You can find the link in the show notes or DM me the word journey because girl, your confidence isn't fragile, it is just waiting for you to protect it better.
Speaker A:Now, next time we're going to be talking about how to own the room.
Speaker A:Literally.
Speaker A:The rituals, the energy and the mindset that you need to walk into any space like you already belong there.
Speaker A:So you're not going to want to miss note number nine.
Speaker A:The room is yours.
Speaker A:I will see you there.
