Note 26: Take Up Space, Guilt-Free
Take up space, without apologizing for it.
In this pep talk, Yaya breaks down why so many women shrink themselves in rooms, conversations, relationships, and opportunities, and how to finally step into your full presence without guilt.
Inside this episode, you’ll learn:
• why over-apologizing and shrinking feels “normal”
• the deeper conditioning that taught you to make yourself small
• how to stop minimizing your voice, power, and needs
• the “Take Up Space Framework” for showing up confidently
• a personal coaching story on becoming visible again
• how to walk into rooms like you actually belong there
If you’re tired of dimming your energy so others can feel comfortable, this note will give you the reminder and the permission you’ve always needed.
Join the 7-Day Confidence + Style Visibility Challenge (Jan 12–18) here.
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Transcript
Foreign.
Speaker A:Hey, girl.
Speaker A:Hey.
Speaker A:Welcome back to Notes to Her the Daily Pad Talk.
Speaker A:I'm Yaya, your confidence and mindset coach, here to help you stop apologizing for your existence and start walking through life like the room was built with you in mind.
Speaker A:Now, before we dive in, go ahead and hit the follow or subscribe so you don't miss a single note.
Speaker A:You know, I like to drop little truths that show up right when you need them.
Speaker A:And if you've been listening this season, you already know we've been doing some real inner work.
Speaker A:Not cute confidence, but the kindness shows up in your voice, your posture, your decisions, and your boundaries.
Speaker A:And today, we're talking about something that has held so many women back for way too long.
Speaker A:Taking up space without guilt.
Speaker A:Because shrinking my familiar.
Speaker A:But it is not your birthright.
Speaker A:Now, what was the last time you walked in a room and immediately made yourself smaller?
Speaker A:You lowered your voice, softened your opinions, pulled back your energy, sat where no one could really see you or apologize, literally, for just existing.
Speaker A:And here's the part that you don't say out loud.
Speaker A:You weren't apologizing because you did something wrong.
Speaker A:You weren't apologizing because you believed taking up space was wrong.
Speaker A:You've been taught your whole life to shrink, to not be too loud, to not be too confident, to not be too much, to not intimidate people, to not inconvenience anyone.
Speaker A:But here's the truth that you don't hear enough.
Speaker A:Your presence is not the problem.
Speaker A:The conditioning that made you doubt, your presence is.
Speaker A:And today, we are undoing all of that.
Speaker A:Now, there are three big reasons why taking up space feels so hard.
Speaker A:The first one, you were raised to be polite, not powerful.
Speaker A:You were taught to be agreeable, helpful, pleasant, never disruptive, never too much, never fully you.
Speaker A:The second one, maybe you've been punished for speaking up.
Speaker A:Somebody might have told you that you were too much or too loud or too emotional to opinionate it.
Speaker A:So now your body learns silence and safety.
Speaker A:And then the last one.
Speaker A:You've learned to protect relationships by shrinking yourself because being smaller felt safer, more accepted, less risky.
Speaker A:But the truth is, shrinking doesn't protect you.
Speaker A:It erases you.
Speaker A:And you deserve so much more than that.
Speaker A:I want to tell you another story about my former client, Zinnia.
Speaker A:You may remember her from note 21.
Speaker A:She's a brilliant woman.
Speaker A:Smart, creative, driven.
Speaker A:A mind full of business ideas that could change her entire life.
Speaker A:But you know what kept her stuck?
Speaker A:She was terrified to take up space.
Speaker A:She was terrified to be Seen, terrified to be judged.
Speaker A:Terrified that someone might think that she wasn't qualified enough.
Speaker A:So she dimmed her light so much that she eventually convinced herself that she didn't even have one.
Speaker A:But once we started working together, once she learned how to trust her voice, claim her words, and step into rooms like she belonged there, she truly blossomed.
Speaker A:Her self esteem grew.
Speaker A:Her voice got stronger.
Speaker A:Her confidence stopped whispering and started speaking up.
Speaker A:She stopped worrying about who might judge her and started focusing on who needed her talents.
Speaker A:She launched her business.
Speaker A:She started sharing her work.
Speaker A:She took up space with confidence and not apology.
Speaker A:And one day she said something that I will never forget.
Speaker A:I was shrinking while watching other women stretch.
Speaker A:Ooh.
Speaker A:That's when she realized other women weren't her threat.
Speaker A:Her self doubt was.
Speaker A:Now here's how you want to step into rooms like you were meant to be there and channel that false energy that I was able to help Danielle embody.
Speaker A:Step number one.
Speaker A:Claim your physical space.
Speaker A:Sit at the table.
Speaker A:Not in the corner, not on the wall, not on the outside.
Speaker A:Not pretending to be invisible.
Speaker A:Shoulders back, chin up, deep breath.
Speaker A:This signals to your brain, I belong here.
Speaker A:And your seat is not negotiable.
Speaker A:STEP 2.
Speaker A:Take time when you speak.
Speaker A:No more rushing through your sentences like you are inconvenienced.
Speaker A:No more apologizing before or after your ideas.
Speaker A:Say what you have to say with intention.
Speaker A:Here's what I think my perspective is.
Speaker A:I'd like to add something.
Speaker A:You don't need to earn the right to speak.
Speaker A:You already have it.
Speaker A:Step 4.
Speaker A:Drop the unnecessary apologies.
Speaker A:Replace sorry Quick question with I have a question.
Speaker A:Replace sorry to bother you with.
Speaker A:I need support with apologizing doesn't make you rude, it makes you confident.
Speaker A:And the last step.
Speaker A:Let your presence be felt, not minimized.
Speaker A:When you enter into a room, don't shrink your energy.
Speaker A:Don't stare at the floor.
Speaker A:Don't apologize with your posture.
Speaker A:Walk in there like you belong there.
Speaker A:Walk in there like you were supposed to be there because you are now.
Speaker A:Let me snatch you lovingly for a second.
Speaker A:You were never too much.
Speaker A:Someone was too small to handle you.
Speaker A:Your voice wasn't too loud.
Speaker A:They were just comfortable with your silence.
Speaker A:Your presence wasn't intimidating.
Speaker A:They were just used to you being invisible.
Speaker A:Your needs aren't inconvenient.
Speaker A:They just benefited from you ignoring them.
Speaker A:You are allowed to take up emotional space, physical space, spiritual space, mental space.
Speaker A:You are allowed to walk in your fullness, your brilliance, your softness, your power.
Speaker A:You do not need permission to exist loudly and the day you stop shrinking to keep peace.
Speaker A:Ooh, your life will shift.
Speaker A:So here's what I want you to do today and every day afterward.
Speaker A:Take up space guilt free.
Speaker A:Not aggressively, not apologetically, just fully.
Speaker A:And.
Speaker A:And if this note hit something for real for you, if you are tired of shrinking, tired of second guessing, tired of biting your tongue, then I invite you to join the seven day Confidence and Style Visibility Challenge that my friend Tiffany, who's a stylist, and I are hosting.
Speaker A:January 12th through 18th.
Speaker A:For seven days, we are helping you step into the loudest, clearest, most confident self inside and out.
Speaker A:Now, here's the vibe for the week.
Speaker A:We're going to be doing confidence reset so that you stop dimming yourself.
Speaker A:Visibility shifts so that you learn your power.
Speaker A:Color so that you are finally comfortable with being seen.
Speaker A:Boundaries that protect your energy and your piece and outfits that signal authority.
Speaker A:Inner critic rewiring so that your self talk stops sabotaging you.
Speaker A:And you learn which clothes make you feel like her.
Speaker A:Identity work that helps you show up as the woman that you are becoming.
Speaker A:And style guidance to align your presence with your power.
Speaker A:Every day you're going to get one small action item that builds real momentum so that confidence isn't something that you just wish for.
Speaker A:It is something that you practice.
Speaker A:If you've ever felt invisible, overlooked, or too much, this challenge is literally built for you.
Speaker A:It's powerful, it's fun, it's free.
Speaker A:And you don't want to miss this energy.
Speaker A:So the signup link can be found right in the show notes.
Speaker A:And remember, you were never too much.
Speaker A:You just needed a space that could hold you.
Speaker A:Oh, and before you go, share this episode with a friend who needs to stop apologizing her way through life.
Speaker A:Also, I'll see you in the next note.
