Note 60: You Can’t Become Her With Low Standards
Most women think “standards” only apply to dating.
But the truth is, your standards show up everywhere.
In how you speak to yourself.
In how you show up for your work.
In the boundaries you set with other people.
And in the environments you tolerate.
Low standards don’t just affect your relationships; they quietly shape the version of you that shows up in your own life.
In this episode of Notes to Her: The Daily Pep Talk, Yaya breaks down why becoming the woman you envision requires raising your standards in more areas than you may realize.
Because the truth is simple:
You can’t become the woman you want to be while still living by the habits, boundaries, and beliefs of the version of you that’s comfortable playing small.
Inside this episode, we talk about:
• What “low standards” actually look like in everyday life
• Why women often lower their standards to stay safe or accepted
• The role self-talk plays in shaping your confidence
• How standards affect your work, boundaries, and energy
• Why raising your standards isn’t about perfection — it’s about alignment
If you’ve been feeling the pull to show up differently in your life, this episode will help you understand where to start.
Because the woman you’re becoming doesn’t live by low standards.
She lives by self-respect.
Looking for additional resources? Start with the Confidence Kit, your go-to for breaking the spiral, rebuilding self-trust, and moving forward with clarity. 🔗 Link
If you're ready to stop figuring this out alone? Apply to work with me here.
If this episode spoke to you and you want to connect with me directly, you can reach out to me on Instagram @coachingwithyaya.
Follow the podcast account and share it with a friend or tag us on Instagram @notestoher.daily.
And don’t forget to subscribe to Notes to Her so you don’t miss the next pep talk.
Transcript
Hey, girl.
Speaker A:Hey.
Speaker A:Welcome back to Notes to Her, the daily pep talk.
Speaker A:I'm Yaya, your confidence and mindset coach, here to remind you that you deserve better than the things that you've been quietly tolerating.
Speaker A:And today I need to talk to the women who keep settling.
Speaker A:Settling for mixed signals, settling for disrespect, settling for environments that drain you, and settling for situations that make you question your worth.
Speaker A:And if that sounds a little bit too direct, good.
Speaker A:Because sometimes we need someone to lovingly call us out.
Speaker A:So let me say this the way your protective best friend would say it.
Speaker A:Never settle for disrespect.
Speaker A:You deserve better.
Speaker A:And whether you feel like you are that girl yet or not, you are her.
Speaker A:Settling rarely starts with something big.
Speaker A:It usually starts small.
Speaker A:A comment that didn't sit right.
Speaker A:Someone speaking to you in a way that felt dismissive, a situation that felt unbalanced.
Speaker A:But instead of addressing it, you say to yourself, maybe I'm overreacting.
Speaker A:Maybe it's not that serious.
Speaker A:Maybe I should just let it go.
Speaker A:And sometimes that instinct comes from a good place.
Speaker A:You want to be understanding, you want to give people grace.
Speaker A:But when grace turns into tolerance for things that don't actually respect you, that's where the problem starts.
Speaker A:Because what you tolerate slowly becomes the standard.
Speaker A:Now, where I see a lot of women settling is in relationships.
Speaker A:Not just romantic ones, but especially there you find yourself in a situationship where energy is confusing.
Speaker A:There's a lot of mix and nose that leave you constantly trying to decode someone's behavior.
Speaker A:Or maybe you're in a partnership where you are giving the emotional labor, the support, the effort, and the other person is just there.
Speaker A:And honestly, that is exhausting.
Speaker A:But yet you keep hoping that it's going to balance itself out.
Speaker A:You keep thinking, maybe if I'm patient, maybe if I show up better, maybe if I love them the right way.
Speaker A:But relationships are not supposed to feel like constant negotiation for basic respect.
Speaker A:And the longer that you stay in dynamics like that, the more normal they start to feel.
Speaker A:And it doesn't stop with relationships.
Speaker A:Settling shows up and how you protect your time too.
Speaker A:You say yes when you want to say no.
Speaker A:You answer messages when you're exhausted.
Speaker A:You give people access to your attention even when you barely have space for yourself.
Speaker A:And slowly your personal time disappears, your hobbies disappear, your quiet moments disappear, your self love routines disappear because everyone else's needs start sitting at the front of the line and yours keep getting pushed to the back.
Speaker A:Another place that shows up, people pleasing a lot of women were raised to be agreeable, to be polite, to keep the peace, to not be too, too much.
Speaker A:So when someone disrespects you or crosses a line, you hesitate, you soften your response, you stay quiet instead of being direct because a part of you is still trying to avoid conflict.
Speaker A:But being agreeable in the face of disrespect, that's not kindness.
Speaker A:That is self abandonment.
Speaker A:So there was a time in my life, and I can clearly remember it till this day, how I abandoned myself.
Speaker A:I by tolerating disrespect.
Speaker A:I was at lunch at work in the lounge kitchen area, and I had asked a coworker a simple question.
Speaker A:I just said, hey, how are you?
Speaker A:And he went off.
Speaker A:Now, I will say this, There was more to my hey, how are you?
Speaker A:That I didn't say.
Speaker A:And he knew it.
Speaker A:I had been reminding him constantly that some work was due, and at this point, it was overdue.
Speaker A:So me asking him how he was doing was my polite way of checking the status of the overdue work.
Speaker A:And his response was to flip out.
Speaker A:He literally started yelling in front of me, a few other coworkers, and three of the C suite staff.
Speaker A:I froze for several reasons.
Speaker A:I wasn't expecting such a dramatic response.
Speaker A:I couldn't believe he had flipped out in front of the C suite staff.
Speaker A:And I knew I couldn't respond the way that he did, especially as a black woman.
Speaker A:I remember me and my colleagues that I was sitting with, we just sat there dumbfounded.
Speaker A:And all I said was.
Speaker A:All I said was, hey, how are you?
Speaker A:No one in the C suite spoke for me and said, hey, you're overreacting or you need to calm down.
Speaker A:And after that, I had a moment to, like, process what happened.
Speaker A:And I remember going to the roof of the building that I worked in, and I cried because in that moment, I abandoned myself instead of checking him for the disrespect.
Speaker A:And it hurt me so bad that I didn't use my voice to stand up for myself.
Speaker A:I made a promise that I would never let that happen again.
Speaker A:I will always use my voice to stand up for myself and the things that I believe in.
Speaker A:Now, this is a perfect segue for another area that women sometimes lower their standards, and that's in their work and career.
Speaker A:I see women with incredible ideas sitting quietly in meetings, holding their opinions, letting someone else take credit for things that they contributed to, or staying in environments that drain them mentally and emotionally, not because they didn't know better, but because the idea of making a change feels terrifying.
Speaker A:And I get that.
Speaker A:Stepping out on your own is scary.
Speaker A:Choosing yourself can be scary.
Speaker A:And leaving environments that are familiar is scary.
Speaker A:But staying somewhere that slowly chips away at your confidence, that's scary, too.
Speaker A:Now listen.
Speaker A:At the heart of things, most women don't settle because they want less.
Speaker A:They settle because they don't fully believe that they deserve more.
Speaker A:Or because trusting themselves feels risky.
Speaker A:When you have spent years relying on other people's opinions, other people's approval, other people, other people's decisions, learning to trust your own voice can feel uncomfortable.
Speaker A:But every time you choose yourself, something powerful happens.
Speaker A:You start realizing that the strength you've been looking for has been inside you the whole time.
Speaker A:The woman you're becoming doesn't accept things that diminish her.
Speaker A:Not because she's difficult, not because she thinks that she's better than anybody else, but because she respects herself, she respects her time, she respects her energy, and she respects the way people speak to her.
Speaker A:So she understands something that a lot of women are still learning.
Speaker A:Standards are not about being demanding.
Speaker A:They are about protecting your peace.
Speaker A:Now, I want to ask you something.
Speaker A:Where in your life have you been settling lately?
Speaker A:Is it in a relationship, at work?
Speaker A:In the way you allow people to speak to you?
Speaker A:Or maybe in the way that you speak to yourself?
Speaker A:Just sit with that for a moment.
Speaker A:Because becoming her always starts with one decision.
Speaker A:The decision to stop accepting less.
Speaker A:And if you're listening to this and thinking, okay, I know I need to change something, this is exactly what we're doing.
Speaker A:Inside the Becoming Her Reset Challenge.
Speaker A:For five days, we are focusing on rebuilding self worth, setting stronger boundaries, stepping into the confidence that comes from trusting yourself.
Speaker A:The challenge starts March 23, and this is the last call to Joy.
Speaker A:You can find the details on the show notes and I would love to have you join us.
Speaker A:Now, before we end this note, I want you to remember something.
Speaker A:You will always be that girl.
Speaker A:Even in the moments where you doubt yourself, even in the moments where you feel unsure.
Speaker A:Your job now is to start living like you believe it.
Speaker A:With love.
Speaker A:Yaya.
Speaker A:Sa.
