Note 61: The Hard Conversation You Keep Avoiding
We talk a lot about having hard conversations with other people. But the one most women avoid the longest? The conversation with themselves.
In this episode, Yaya gets real about what it actually means to stop running from your own truth: the things you've been tolerating, the goals you've been delaying, and the version of yourself you keep pushing to the back burner.
This isn't about fixing everything at once. It's about finally being honest enough to ask the right questions.
Inside this episode:
- Why the hardest conversation you'll ever have is the one with yourself
- What avoidance really looks like and why it often looks like productivity
- The real reason smart, self-aware women keep avoiding their own truth
- Three clarifying questions to sit with today
- What's waiting for you on the other side of the conversation you keep putting off
- How to stop tolerating what you've been calling something else
If this episode stirred something, use the link below to apply for the Becoming Her, Unapologetically coaching program.
Looking for additional resources? Start with the Confidence Kit, your go-to for breaking the spiral, rebuilding self-trust, and moving forward with clarity. đź”— Link
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Transcript
Hey, girl.
Speaker A:Hey.
Speaker A:Welcome back to Nose to her the daily pep talk.
Speaker A:I'm Yaya, your confidence and mindset coach, here to help you get out of your own way, get honest with yourself, and stop having the conversations that will actually change your life.
Speaker A:So instead of hyping you up today, I'm going to sit down with you and pull up a chair and talk to you about the conversation that you've been avoiding.
Speaker A:Not the conversation with your boss, not the conversation with your partner, not even the conversation with your best friend.
Speaker A:I'm talking about the hard conversation with yourself, the one where you get quiet enough to ask the questions you've been running from.
Speaker A:What am I tolerating?
Speaker A:What am I avoiding?
Speaker A:What am I settling for?
Speaker A:And pretending that I'm okay with it.
Speaker A:Stay with me because this one matters.
Speaker A:So we've spent a lot of time talking about speaking up, using your voice, saying, setting boundaries with other people, and having hard conversations with people in your life who need to hear something from you.
Speaker A:And yes, all of that is important.
Speaker A:But here's what I think we skip over.
Speaker A:Before you can have the hard conversations with anyone else, you have to be willing to have it with yourself.
Speaker A:And that.
Speaker A:That is one of the things that most of us avoid the longest.
Speaker A:Because conversations with other people, you can rehearse those.
Speaker A:You can prep what you're going to say.
Speaker A:You can.
Speaker A:You could predict even how they might respond.
Speaker A:But a conversation with yourself, there's no script.
Speaker A:There's no buffer.
Speaker A:It's just you and the truth that you have been tiptoeing around.
Speaker A:And that's why it's hard.
Speaker A:Not because you don't know the answers, but because you do.
Speaker A:Now.
Speaker A:There was a season in my life where I was moving.
Speaker A:Like on paper, I was doing all the things.
Speaker A:I was showing up.
Speaker A:I was staying busy.
Speaker A:But underneath all of that motion, I was quite mildly tolerating things that I had absolutely no business tolerating a situation.
Speaker A:I kept rationalizing a version of myself.
Speaker A:I kept shrinking to fit into spaces that were never built for me.
Speaker A:And the wall parties, I knew deep down I already knew what needed to change.
Speaker A:But knowing something and actually sitting down with yourself and having the honest conversation about it, those are two completely different things.
Speaker A:Because having a conversation means you have to look at it directly, and looking at it directly means you probably have to do something about it.
Speaker A:And doing something about it means things change.
Speaker A:And change, even good change, is scary.
Speaker A:So I kept moving.
Speaker A:I kept myself busy.
Speaker A:I kept avoiding the conversation until I couldn't anymore and the moment I finally stopped and got honest with myself, that was the beginning of everything.
Speaker A:Everything's shifting.
Speaker A:You may be in that version right now.
Speaker A:Maybe you've been staying busy and maybe this episode is the nudge to finally slow down and listen to yourself.
Speaker A:Now, let's talk about what this actually looks like.
Speaker A:Because avoiding the hard conversations with yourself doesn't always look like being in denial.
Speaker A:Sometimes it looks really productive.
Speaker A:It looks like staying in the job that slowly drains you, but calling it being responsible.
Speaker A:It looks like allowing people to treat you in ways that you would never accept from a stranger, but calling it being the bigger person, it looks like putting your goal on the back burner month after month.
Speaker A:But calling it waiting for the right time, it looks like saying, I'm fine so many times you start to believe it.
Speaker A:And listen, I am not here to call you out harshly because I've done every single one of these things.
Speaker A:Every single one.
Speaker A:But here's what I need you to understand.
Speaker A:Avoidance is not peace.
Speaker A:Avoidance is just delayed discomfort with interest.
Speaker A:So the longer that you push that conversation down, the heavier it gets, and the heavier it gets, the harder it becomes to carry.
Speaker A:And somewhere along the way, you start to believe that weight is just normal, that this is just how life feels.
Speaker A:That being a little numb, a little stuck, a little disconnected from yourself is just part of being an adult woman with responsibilities.
Speaker A:But no, that's not life.
Speaker A:That's what's happening when you've been avoiding yourself for too long.
Speaker A:So you might be wondering, why do we do this?
Speaker A:Why do smart, capable, self aware women who know better keep avoiding the conversations with themselves?
Speaker A:It's not weakness.
Speaker A:It's not laziness.
Speaker A:It's fear.
Speaker A:Specifically, it's the fear of what we'll find when we look.
Speaker A:Because if we look too closely, we might have to admit that we've been settling.
Speaker A:We might have to admit that we've been playing small.
Speaker A:We might have to admit that life that we have been maintaining, the one that looks fine from the outside, isn't what we really want.
Speaker A:And that truth feels heavy.
Speaker A:It feels like failure.
Speaker A:It feels like, if I admit this, what does this say about me?
Speaker A:But here's what I've learned and what I want to leave with you today.
Speaker A:The truth doesn't get lighter by ignoring it.
Speaker A:It just spreads into your confidence, into the way you show up at work, into your relationships, into the way you talk to yourself in the mirror.
Speaker A:The hard conversation isn't what will break you.
Speaker A:It's the beginning of you finally getting Free.
Speaker A:Now, I want to give you three questions.
Speaker A:Not to answer out loud right now, but to take them with you to sit with tonight, to journal on, to let simmer.
Speaker A:Question number one.
Speaker A:Ask yourself, what am I tolerating that I've been calling something else?
Speaker A:Because we're so good at rebranding our tolerance.
Speaker A:We tolerate exhaustion and we'll call it ambition.
Speaker A:We tolerate disrespect and we call it patience.
Speaker A:We tolerate playing small and we call it humility.
Speaker A:I'm guilty of that one.
Speaker A:We tolerate staying stuck and call it being realistic.
Speaker A:So ask yourself, what is it really?
Speaker A:Not what you've been calling it, what is it really?
Speaker A:Then question number two.
Speaker A:What do I keep saying I'm going to do but keep finding reasons not to do?
Speaker A:The business idea you've been sitting on, the boundary you keep meaning to set, the conversation you keep rehearsing but never having.
Speaker A:The application you haven't sent, the ask you keep swallowing.
Speaker A:What is waiting for you on the other side of your own hesitation?
Speaker A:And question number three.
Speaker A:What would I do right now if I wasn't afraid of the outcome?
Speaker A:Don't overthink that one.
Speaker A:Don't analyze it.
Speaker A:The very first thing that comes to mind when you ask, ask yourself the question.
Speaker A:That's your answer and that's where your gut already knows.
Speaker A:That's the conversation that you have been avoiding.
Speaker A:I know these questions are not comfortable, but they are clarifying.
Speaker A:And I want you to remember something.
Speaker A:Clarity.
Speaker A:Even when it's uncomfortable.
Speaker A:It's a gift.
Speaker A:Because confusion keeps you stuck and clarity gives you somewhere to move.
Speaker A:Now here's what I know about the woman who walks into rooms differently.
Speaker A:The one who holds standards and actually keeps them.
Speaker A:The one who stops shrinking.
Speaker A:The ones who start asking for what they want and believing that they deserve to receive it.
Speaker A:They didn't get there because everything lined up perfectly.
Speaker A:They didn't get there because timing was finally right.
Speaker A:They got there because at some point they stopped avoiding themselves.
Speaker A:They sat down, they asked the hard questions.
Speaker A:They let the answers be what they were.
Speaker A:And then they decided to do something about it.
Speaker A:That woman is not out of reach for you.
Speaker A:She's not a different type of woman.
Speaker A:She's not someone with fewer problems, fewer fears, or a better starting point.
Speaker A:She's you after the conversation.
Speaker A:She's you after you stop looking away.
Speaker A:She's already in there.
Speaker A:She's just waiting on you to be honest with with her.
Speaker A:Know this at home.
Speaker A:And if those three questions stir something in you that you have been pushing down, I want you to know that is not an accident.
Speaker A:That's you finally ready, and you don't have to figure out what to do with that alone.
Speaker A:Becoming her unapologetically is my new coaching program.
Speaker A:And this is exactly the work that we do together.
Speaker A:We have the conversations that you have been avoiding.
Speaker A:We get honest about what you have been tolerating, what it's costing you and what it looks like to actually stay stop settling.
Speaker A:And then we build together the version of you who doesn't need to hide herself anymore.
Speaker A:I only take a small number of clients because this work is truly personal and I show up fully for every single woman that I work with.
Speaker A:So if something in you is saying it's time, trust that the link to apply will be in the show notes.
Speaker A:And before I close out this episode and you go back to your day, I want you to do one thing.
Speaker A:Just one thing.
Speaker A:Pick one of those three questions and actually sit with it today.
Speaker A:Not for hours, not for a whole journaling session, just five minutes.
Speaker A:You owe yourself that much.
Speaker A:Because the hard conversation that you've been avoiding, it's not your enemy, it's the door.
Speaker A:And on the other side is the version of you that you have been waiting on.
Speaker A:You got this with love.
Speaker A:There.
